I always struggle when I go to confession. Trust me, it’s not because I feel as if I lack the sin, but rather it reminds me of my failures. It reminds me of the real me. It reminds me of the me that no one else knows. Well, more like the me that I am afraid to let others see. I try to be faithful and reflect the teachings of the Church that I hold dear, but I always get trapped in my pattern of sin. Saint Benedict taught, in his Holy Rule, that when temptations arise one should always “dash it upon the rock that is Christ.” Well, that is easier said than done. Confession makes me more aware of the person that I want to become. I want to be a woman quiet in spirit. I want to be a woman seen for her good heart. I want to be known as a servant. I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. The sacrament of reconciliation is a beautiful thing. In the words of my fiancé, “it’s like a bath for my soul.” It helps me realize my sins, but it also gives my soul the healing that it truly needs. With the sacraments, hopefully I will become the person that I always wanted to be.
Sunday’s gospel reading really spoke to me. It reminded me of something very simple that I always tend to forget. It remind me of what God’s always wanted from me. He just wants my heart.