Search my heart, Holy Spirit, and help reveal the words of my soul to offer up to you. I hurt and I do not understand why. I have grown so much in my faith this year, but it feels like I am starting over again. It is like you are taking every concept or every idea of what I had ever imagined of you and started it over again. The only way I can describe you is that you just “are”. You are not a person or a thing. You exist. You just “are”. You are ancient, existing outside of time. You are limitless. You are God. You bring life into existence, you are “I am”. You are Christ living in me. You are my beloved. You are the lover of my soul. You are the keeper of my heart. You are my rock. You are my salvation.
When I look at you in the form of the host in the adoration chapel, the only way I can truly see you is in the reflection of others. When I look at the Eucharist, I see me and everyone around me. It is simple and obvious, I know, but it is just a thought. I see you by your creation –the trees, the blooming flowers, and the little creatures scurrying about- and I see you in those around me. You are in every good deed. You are present in every smile, embrace, and in every kind word. You are also present in every difficulty bringing me hope. I say this and yet, you still feel so far away. But why?
During Lent, you told me to spend an hour with you, what else would you have me do? Kurtis once told me, “If you worry pray. If you pray, do not worry.” But How?
*After just sitting in the silence, these words came and touched my heart: “Just let go, and let God.”
God is wonderful, yes?